Don't Be an Absolutist

This will be a short post about something I only recently realized about myself and my learnings from the realization. I’m not sure everyone will relate to it, but I know at least a few will. Either way, I hope everyone can take away something from the post.

Until now, I’ve been (and still am at times; I’m still working on it) what I refer to as an absolutist. The dictionary definition for ‘absolutist’ is, “a person who holds absolute principles in political, philosophical, or theological matters.” However, I think the concept can be applied generally to aspects of life other than just politics, philosophy, and theology. For the purpose of this post, the appropriate definition is probably “a person who thinks in absolutes” (To any Star Wars fans reading this, I promise I’m not a Sith). In other words, someone who has a tendency to view things as either black or white much of the time, with no possibility in between. In a world where no one wants to pick a side, some might even mistakenly perceive this form of thinking as being decisive, which is typically a good trait to possess. Trust me, they’re not the same thing.

As you navigate the world and tackle the nuances of life, being absolute in your thinking can limit your perspective and keep you from exploring possibilities that could benefit your career, your relationships, your happiness, and so many other important things. While the subjects we learn in school like math, science, and engineering might often have a clear distinction between right and wrong within the context of a problem, the real world typically doesn’t. There is no one right way to live life. Just look at successful people in a particular industry. Some of them probably followed a similar path to get where they are now, but most of them probably didn’t. Take the music industry as an example. Artists like Shawn Mendes achieved mainstream success early in life (Mendes was ~16) while others, like Diplo, made their breakthroughs much later (Diplo was in his thirties) in their careers. Both artists are unique and forged their own paths to success. Neither would tell you that there’s one way to make it or one type of person who is successful in the music industry.

To further explain the concept, I want to give a more concrete example from my own life of how thinking in absolutes can be a bad thing. After college, having read more than my fair share of internet content on maintaining work/life balance, I went into my first full-time job with the fierce belief that work-life and personal-life should be strictly separate in order to lead a happy life. It’s a valid belief, but at the time I only dealt in the absolute (seriously, I’m not a Sith), so I took it a step further and made sure all my relationships with coworkers were strictly professional and never evolved into friendships outside of work. Now, this is a strategy that might actually work well for some people who have a thriving social network. However, since I had moved far enough away from my family and friends to start my career, I was starting my social network mostly from scratch. This wasn’t exactly great for me. Refusing to see the gray area and change my stance, I continued with this strategy for quite some time before realizing my mistake and conceding to myself that it was ok to develop some of my friend circle through work. It should come as no surprise that after I changed my stance, my social network grew much faster and I was much happier. Shortly after that is when I realized my absolutist philosophy was the root cause of many of my mistakes, which is why I decided to write this post.

Keep an open mind. Consider every opportunity that you encounter, and be open to all possibilities. Take it from me, a former absolutist. If you box yourself into one way of thinking, you’ll be severing many branches of life you’ve yet to explore.